WW1 - Diary Entry

Shaking with no sense of rhyme or reason I shoved my now blackened and bruised hands deep into my pockets. The frigid air was playing tricks on my mind and slowly the motivation I had before was lacking; now as I stood in the muddy pit filled with dead bodies the reality of the situation was clear. Returning to my wife, my kids, the life I had prior to the war would never be the same. The nightmares that dance into my mind as I ease into a slumber on the battlefield, will not subdue when I return home. Images of shots fired at young children from earlier that day engulfed my conscious; it was a never ending battle between the memories of my cherished home life and this grotesque war. The sweet aroma of my wife’s perfume lingered in the air, dancing below my nostrils until I finally inhaled one large breath; although the inhale no longer contained the sweet smell of lavender and lemons, but a tart repulsive odor. Violently I was shaken from the tiny cot I had slept in while serving in the bunker and thrown to the ground with my ears ringing. Our drill sergeants were spewing out orders but my train of thought wandered. The men in the bunker were in complete chaos, so much so that as I starred at their faces all I could make out was blurs. I fought the tears from streaming down my face by taking in another deep breath of the putrid air, filling my lungs to full capacity. Moments passed until no longer could I hold in these emotions, among all the other dismay, I screamed. Echoing throughout the bunker was the anger, sadness, confusion, loneliness and dismay of my words, yet I was not the only one. The other poor souls around me had families and lives too but for some reason nobody else mattered. For the seconds of silent, I dug my hands deeper into my pocket retrieving my wife’s locket. I fingered the shinny heart capsule containing a photo of my son and daughter letting all my emotions free. Slowly I closed my eyes - ignoring the pain this brutal war has brought upon me, ignoring the weeping of other strong men, and ignoring the love I lusted for my family, to do them proud- and gathered all the courage I had before descending out to the battlefield above. The responsibility of being a general in World War 1, to please Hitler, was my only priority. For now I couldn’t regret the choices I had made to get to this point; but rather endure what was ahead of me and hope at the end this journey would be my wife and kids with open arms and large smiles plastered on their faces.