January 22, 2012

Creative Writing


                My formerly moisten tongue curled and rattled in a violent motion as the thick dessert atmosphere attacked what dampness was left. For once the reality of the situation became real. Over the shining dunes the last golden rays of yellow and orange slowly faded to a darkness wrapped in a tint of purple fog. Instantaneously a loud whistle roared filling the valley with the coldest breeze thus far. Parched and salty, the frigid gust blew across the landscape; bringing with it the smells of sage and rotting cactus, making me lug my jacket closer. As the temperature dropped my breathing changed, the previously loud rhythmical beat of my heart slowed into the slightest thump. Over yonder there was a silhouette of a large magical bird dancing to and fro amongst the stars. The creature soared above me, catching my attention for the slightest moment. As I focused on the magnificent creature, my eyes lost gaze in the dark night: my mentality began to rationalize the situation and my dried up tongue was a continuous reminder. I had the perseverance to pursue, to maintain on the treacherous gateway to nowhere, bending and curving leading me farther to a point of no return. Yet my blood stricken legs stopped. As if the world came to a halt, they carried me no farther, as to say “Give up.” Then with the quickest of flash all was dark. The immaculate moon light shining above vanished with the mere blink of the eye. All was dark. There I was in a vast land petrified out of my wits and so far the outcome did not appear to be in my favor. As the darkness consumed the night, a tunnel of white cleared the way. What I believed to be dawn showed slim glimpses of sunlight emerging from the rocky formations above. As if on cue a shape in the distance drew my eyes towards the magic. From what I could make out, a tree swayed in the breeze: this was my north star, the guidance I was seeking. Finally with all the motivation left from within my nimble body, I rose. I rose up into the warmth and familiarity of my mother’s arms as she cradled me back and forth. Although the situation presumed false, I knew I could not deny that it had been all a dream. Just as the sun was the highest in the sky I woke up to the sweet smell of flowers merged with a faint aroma of an ocean breeze. Starring down at me was my mother; she held me in one arm and her Nicholas Sparks novel in the other, she leaned down bestowing her lips against my temple. A large grin overtook my face as I settled into her lap pulling my blankie higher disguising my face. I once again wanted to return to my dream land. And within minutes I was swept into a non coherent slumber.

7 comments:

  1. so she was asleep in the desert in her dreams? nice writing style, good plot.

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  2. Marissa, I really enjoyed your story a lot. It was such a strong piece, and your voice really shined through. The imagery and diction really helped your piece come to life. You are such a strong writer.

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  3. Your imagery in the story was very good! You did a really good job of show don't tell! I feel like there could have been a little more after she woke up but then again your story was fine without it. This makes me think about how things are much different in dreams than they are in real life. Good job!

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  4. Your piece was clearly carefully thought out, which makes the reader caught up in reading it. I was glued to the computer because it was so intense, and the ending was the perfect touch. There were some awkward sentences, but otherwise I loved this story.

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  5. I like this, it seems like a combination of first TBAF and AOAOCB. Nicely written. Only, I think you mean desert (a sandy dry area) in the first sentence compared to dessert ( a sweet, sugary food served after meals). Otherwise, good job.

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  6. You had a lot of really strong diction throughout this piece and I really enjoyed it a lot! Nice job.

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  7. The flow of your sentences, and your idea for the story were fantastic, and it seemed well thought out. Though wordyness could be one thing to improve on, overall, really great job!

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